Twilight Zone: Just Me and My Boyfriend

I've written and will realistically be writing more about my dating experiences and nightmares because I truthfully get a kick out of sharing them with the blogging world. I do however think that it is necessary and more importantly respectful (don't wanna get smacked with the pimp hand) to dedicate an entry to my favorite person, my darling boyfriend, Sir Bruce Alot. Bruce has no idea that I refer to him as "Sir Bruce Alot" on twitter and in various conversations with people he has never met but I think the secret nickname fits him perfectly. He is simply Bruce, no more and no less and that is probably the thing that I appreciate about him the most.

Bruce and I went to high school together, I remember him and he had no idea I even existed. Bruce is 6'4 so he was hard to miss and he was also a star track athlete. I once tried my hand at indoor track--I was a shotputter because I was and am too slow to ever be even average at any other event. During these track meets, I used to sit indian style and watch all the tall boys (my favorite) do the high jump. I watched all these teens blessed with height and the ability to jump much like tigger from Winnie The Pooh, with wide and lustful eyes. Bruce was one of the most talented jumpers and I always respected him for wearing spandex underneath his uniform; something too many of the other athletes didn't think was necessary. I can't say I had a crush on Sir Bruce A lot in high school, but I knew who he was and always stared creepily at him in the hallways.

As fate would have it, Bruce and I would meet formally one night while I was white girl wasted at a mutual friends 21st birthday party. This was actually the night where I had my first "drug dealer" encounter--you know, the guy with the jerry curl? Anyhow, upon being introduced to Bruce, I overstepped my boundaries and gave him a hug while announcing that I just happen to be a "touchy- feely" kind of girl. [I advise any of you youngsters or even any of my wild readers to NEVER say this.] Since we shared mutual friends, we in turn began to see eachother every now and then then but it wasn't until Bruce saved me from my stalker, Ernest, that we even had a clue we were attracted to eachother.

Yes, I had a stalker and yes, his name was Ernest. Ernest was a cousin of someone who lived in my dorm who also had a unique name, Kwad. Ernest was a creey Mc creep creep and I made the mistake of accepting him on facebook. Since he had a cousin I knew, Ernest would mysteriously show up at places that I would go partying at. He was aggressive, carribbean and suffered from really clogged pores. On the night that Bruce and I discovered our electric connection, Ernest had me in a unescapable grip...from behind. I saw Bruce posted up on the wall, like a true G and gave him the most irresitable sad face I could muster, to let him know that I was a damsel in distress. My call for help worked because before I knew it, I was no longer being jack rabbited in the club but instead I was discovering the smooth Jamaican infused moves with the tall glass of water behind me, Sir Bruce Alot. A few months later we were dating exclusively and we dated without breaking up for a little over 2 years.

Like most great loves, ours isn't with turmoil. Bruce and I broke up in July of 2009 and just this April we decided that it was in our best interests to rekindle our relationship. I legitmately quoted Jayz's infamous "either love me or leave me alone" during this particular conversation and have never felt more witty or proud of myself than I did in that moment. <>

I know, I know---it's not a good idea to make your old boyfriend your new boyfriend. However, DILLIGAF, I do what I want. I have spent plenty of time pondering why in the world Sir Bruce Alot and Bcoll$ make sense and I believe it is because we are perfect amounts of different from one another, yet, still weird as hell.

As a couple we enjoy going to arcades, partaking in competetive activites, talking about things like what it would be like to have a skunk as pet for hours on end, being attracted to eachother and getting hotel rooms far more than necessary. I like to meditate and demand to solve problems while using our indoor voices and Bruce hates to argue; BOOM. Best case scenario. I despise everything about wearing underwear while Sir Bruce Alot loves everything about wearing Fez's, I love to spend money but am thankful that Bruce reminds me that 87% of what I buy isn't fiscially responsible. We frequently engage in conversations and debates about Harry Potter seeing as how we are both convinced that we are respectively a wizard and witch. Clearly, it's a match made in heaven.

Obviously, I am not here to brag or make false declarations of having a perfect relationship. I am simply, giving credit where credit is due and shoutin out mah man. Ya heard?