First, let's be clear about what a "non sexual" guy friend really entails. He is a human being that you share a friendship with that includes; hanging out, joking around, giving and taking advice about various aspects of life, hooking each other up with qualified individuals and generally just enjoying the company of one another in the most platonic of ways.
It does NOT entail; cuddling, random drunken sexual encounters, jealously about him dating/talking/giving the D to other ladies, hand holding (unless it is because you are too wasted to walk without some assistance), penetration, fellatio, hand/foot jobs and/or any other sexual activity.
Now that we got that out of the way, I can get to the real point of this bloggy blog.
I am lucky enough to say that I have a good amount of non sexual guy friends from my hometown who I love (shout out to you manly maniacs!) but this blog entry was inspired by my Boston bro, Rody. I prefer to call Rody "Rodizz My Nizz" or just "Rodizz" for short. I knew we were going to be great friends one of the very first nights I ever ventured out into the shit show that is Boston nightlife because he kept saying "I never knew you were such a clown" over and over. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is perhaps one of the most accurate ways to describe basically everything there is to ever know about me.
As the months have progressed, Rodizz and I have embarked on quite a bit of interesting, hysterical and memorable adventures. We also have weekly- if not daily conversations about men vs. women. We both seem to be at times the most stumped by the actions, lack of actions and general behaviors about the opposite sex. I've learned a lot from these conversations but I think the most ground breaking and pivotal piece of information I have learned is that both men and women typically have an extremely limited idea of what and/or why the other one is doing what they are doing at any given time.
I believe that this lack of understanding originates from what our (extraterrestrial?) ancestors have known for thousands and thousands of years; men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
I know that this lack of understanding can be frustrating and even time consuming which is why I have enlisted my homie Rodizz to guest star in this blog and give us in his own, very insightful real life advice about....
10 Things women should Know about US!- Written by Rodizz my Nizz
1.Give us a chance: Stop always putting a label on us (dog,player,asshole) without getting to know us first.
2. More Vulnerable: Contrary to popular belief, men get more attached a lot faster than women do.
3. Friend Zone: If you're gonna friend zone him, make sure you tell him ahead of time and don't drag him along for the ride
4. Differences- Yes ladies there is a major difference between a dickhead and an good guy (All MEN ARE NOT THE SAME)
5. Me Time: As much as we love female company, we need some time to ourselves
6. HOMIE TIME: Sometimes a man just wants to chill with his boys and if you guilt trip him about that then its a wrap from there (lol) <-- but he's not laughing forreals- Bcoll$
7. Code Talk: When something is bothering make sure you tell us in the English language. Don't expect us to know by giving us signals or things that we have to decode ourselves
8. Sex-We love it, plain and simple
9. The "ONE": Its not a matter of time or age for us to decide to when we want to settle down. It depends on that right women that comes along our way and make us retire our 'player' jerseys
10.Respect- the level of respect we'll have for you depends on how much you respect yourselves
Extras: (That's right ladies, this kid just goes above & beyond. PS: He's single) Love, The ultimate Wing Woman
1.Stop assuming: Just because we're at a bar without you doesn't mean we're hitting on every girl we see
2.Gold Digger: That's a big NO!NO!
3.Cooking: Another way to get to a mans heart! :)
4.24/7 Complaining; The more and more you bitch about little things to us, the less attractive you become to us
5.Goofy: We love girls with a good sense of humor
6.No makeup: As much as we love seeing woman all glamored up and shit, we love seeing women in their natural beauty a lot more.
7. Marriage/Kids: Do not bring up this subject with us early in the relationship. Good way to scare us off
8.Gym/Sports: We love girls that love to take care of their bodies
9.Appreciate: We love appreciation as much as you women do.
10.Text/call First: We shouldn't be always the first to try and communicate with you
Obviously, I would not be who I am if I ended this entry right here. So please, my little lambs, enjoy my very own...
1. Tell us the truth. We can handle it, I swear: Listen guys, there is really no reason to lie to us...ever. More often than not, we are going to catch you in the act of lying and you're going to look like more a douche lord than you would have if you just told us the truth in the first place.
2. Women know everything. Yes. Even that thing you think we don't know about: The big G-O-D might have given us the short end of the stick by giving women periods and the task of having 5-12lbs infants come out of our precious punani- nani's but he knew what he was doing when he blessed us all with female intuition. We are wired to know when something shady is going on that shouldn't be going on, it's actually a little bit creepy. Beyond that, if we have any inkling of suspicion we then can tap into this other super duper useful ability to morph into international spies. We have so many different ways to find information out and 99.7% of the time we will find out whatever the heck it is you little sneaky snakes have been so obviously (poorly) hiding from us. So think twice before you go and stick you hand (or something else) in the proverbial cookie jar.
3. We need to be told we're beautiful sometimes: Yes, of course every woman loves a compliment but we need to hear it from you for more than just an ego boost. Whether she is a runway model or just a regular chick trying to make it in this world, she deserves to be appreciated. And men, if you are married, dating, talking or even just giving some casual (but hopefully pretty powerful) orgasms to her it is YOUR job to make sure she feels special and beautiful. K thanks.
4. We are way cooler than you think we are: Seriously dudes, we aren't always these needy, nagging, dramatic nuisances that we're made out to be. We actually love to have fun, do exciting and interesting things and sometimes, we can even be funny.
5. We love sex: We love it, need it and want it probably waaaay more than you could ever imagine. So, give it to us...and give it to us good.
6. Yelling, whistling or barking to us on a street is NOT the way to get our attention: Guys. Why in the world do you think this is a good idea? Trust me, it's actually like the world's worst idea. If you like what you see, come and get it like a normal human and not a rabid, horny dog. I guarantee you a better outcome.
7. If you have penetrated our sugary walls, we never want to imagine, hear and most definitely not see you penetrating anyone or thing else...ever: Period.
8. We aren't that complicated: I've heard countless men say that we are difficult to understand. In my opinion though, we're fairly simple. We typically just want you to be:
3. Into us, like seriously, we kind of want you to be like the dude from the Notebook. If that's not doable, most of us will settle for a Jay-Z/ Beyonce type situation or even like Omar Epps when he played that character in Love & Basketball.
4. A good person
5. receptive to all that we bring to the table.
9. We actually care about your personality: Looks dictate a lot out here on these streets but nothing can seal the deal like a 5 star, grade A, top notch personality. We love funny, personable, outgoing lads. I've seen dime pieces fall head over heels for an average looking, amazeballs personality having dude plenty of times. To be cliche but also an honest hippo; looks are temporary but your personality is a forever kinda thang. So be cool.
10. Attention: I don't know one woman, not even my 80 year old grandmother [did I just take this to a weird place?] who doesn't like and want a little attention every now and then. Chicks love to get those 'good morning texts', we love a small dose of PDA every now and then and most of all, we love to feel like you want us. In all possible ways. ::Smirk::
Peace. love. sassiness & dry/wet humps forever & always,
PS: If any of you pretty, young thangs want to follow the stud muffin (Rodizz My Nizz) his twitter handle is RCES101. :)