In my old age of almost 23, I have seen a lot and I have been on the sidelines to witness countless people's hour hand strike get it in 0'clock. I have seen gorgeous people decide to get it in with not so gorgeous people, I have seen old people score with hot young thangs, I have even seen straight people get down with the get down with someone of their same sex. In the land of getting it in, anything is possible, and I mean ANYTHING.
I realize that there are a lot of people out there right now who haven't had a good piece of ass in weeks, months, years and for some, maybe even decades. This makes my heart ache something fierce. I passionately believe that life is just too damn short to not be capitalizing on all areas of pleasure. Have no fear though, the "Twilight Zone' blog is here and I am determined to get you laid.
I would also just like to throw a disclaimer out there; I am no expert on sex, nor am I promoting an unsafe or skankalicious life style. I simply believe in going after what you want, in every context of that cliche.
6 Ways To Maximize Your Chances Of Fornicating
1. Look and feel your best. Before you go out on the prowl for Mr. Johnson or Miss Cindy Loo Hoo, you need to be sure you are feeling confident, sexy and ready. If you are insecure about your weight, or don't like the giant pimple that has arisen on your nose, how about you wait it out. Work on those so called imperfections so that when you're ready to get some BAP or discover that cute guy from works dickswag, you'll be on point! I cannot reiterate enough that confidence is essential for success in any arena of life, but particularly is a necessity when you're doing the good old naked tango with another human being.
2. Know what you're looking for. It's imperative to know what type of person you're looking to hit a home run with. Do you want a one night stand with someone you just find physically attractive? Do you want to to find someone who stimulates you on an intellectual and then sexual level in hopes to make them your friend with benefits? Are you looking for a specific race, are you a chubby chaser or do you prefer the slim jims? Once you identify the type of candidate you'd like to roll around with, you can go to places that you would think they might frequent. If you're looking to meet a man that values your beautiful and rich mind, you should consider not going to a night club after taking 7 straight shots of Ciroc. Trust me on that one. I'm positive that you are catching on to what I'm saying here because I'm positive that you are not an idiot.
3. Don't go fishing if you are going to be afraid of the fish. Before you decide to embark sealing the sexual deal, you need to be absolutely sure that you are ready. If you have any doubt in your mind that the person you have chosen to share a steamy night(s) of passion with is the right person, then just don't do it. The last thing you want to feel after getting it in is guilt. Guilt ruins lives and guarantee will make it 7-100% more difficult to achieve a climax. Also, be careful to not talk a bigger game than you can actually play--keep it really real, you feel me? Identify and embrace your strengths and acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. To quote the legend female r&b singing group TLC "don't go chasing waterfalls, please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to."
4. Put on your Sunday best. In my personal opinion, you can be a below average looking person and still enjoy the benefits of living a healthy and sexual lifestyle. However, I'm challenging you to strive higher. Let's strive to look better than average, let's strive to look our best, lets strive to make sure no one on the corner has swagger like us <> ! First matter of business; In order to provide another human being with an enjoyable sexual or non sexual experience, taking care of personal hygiene is of the MOST importance and should be your number one priority at all times. Besides that, just make sure all your ducks are in a row, do whatever you need to do to stay looking good enough to eat. ;) The way I test how good I'm looking is when I take some time to review myself in the mirror. If I like what I see, I'll involuntarily wink at myself, give the thumbs up, make a fierce sensual face, or blow myself a kiss. If I'm less than pleased with the reflection staring back then I'll immediately change what I can to get the best result possible. Like I've previously stated, you must like yourself before you expect anyone else to. A good rule of thumb is to never leave the house with the intent of making a love connection if you aren't wearing your sunday best.
5. Know how to effectively hold a conversation. Most respectable, young adults these days need to be stimulated in the mind before they can feel stimulated in the body. A sparkling and dynamic personality can go a long way. Being interesting is a turn on for pretty much everyone I have ever met. Just use your imagination with me for a second...If there are fireworks exploding in the air from a simple, non physical conversation then what do you think it will feel like when those fireworks are exploding between you and partner of choice genitals. Did that just paint too much of a visual?
6. Have fun, for goodness sakes! If you're being safe and smart then engaging in sexy time should be a blast! Don't get caught up on any technicalities, who cares if you fall flat on your face and get a bloody nose while trying to do the "wheelbarrow" or if you accidentally ejaculate prematurely or get an embarrassing hamstring cramp. It's all part of life, just be sure to mount that horse again and ride him/her better than you did the last time!
To conclude; getting your freak on is actually really not very hard at all. If you open those glistening eyes a little wider you will see that you have every opportunity right in front of you. If you are still riding with training wheels when it comes to confidence, then keep riding until you're ready to graduate to a two wheeler. Someone will be along to honk that shiny new horn in no time. Be cool, be yourself, don't do anything you don't want to do and have fun.
I'll be listening for the clocks to chime!
-Bcoll$
PS: Even if it's time for get in 0' clock with another person, it can always be time to get it in with life!!
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