Cluele$$

At the beginning of this month I celebrated my 25th birthday. I normally am an over the top Ostrich about my birthday and spend the better part of the year planning and fantasizing about how amazingly fun, memorable and outrageous the day of my birth will be. However, this year was a bit different because this is the first year that I have ever felt like the age I was turning was "old." I know, I know...25 actually isn't even remotely old and I realize that you may think I'm a cray- cray for thinking that it is. The fact of the matter is that I am in the midst of what I am referring to as a 'mid- way through my 20's life crisis.' Creative, I know. 

In the last 7 months I have moved from the comfort of my hometown to the beautiful city of Boston, ended the most significant relationship that I've had thus far in my 25 years on earth and currently am reevaluating what the hell I want to spend my life doing in terms of a career. Mama Mia!! adios mio! YIKES! Jeezelaweeze! and my personal favorite 'what in the actual fuck' are currently the most frequently utilized words in my vocabulary. 

I know that my blog entries are usually me trying to give some kind of constructive advice or even just a dose of BColl$ peculiar perspective to  my radical readers. But I need to keep it the realest of real with ya'll; I woke up this morning still drunk, on my couch in my clothes from my night of drinking Jack Daniels and Diet coke and literally said aloud "homegirl has gotz to get it togetha." So this entire blog and probably the blogs to follow this one will be dedicated to homegirl (me) doing just that.

I think my first order of business to take off my "I have a clue" cloak and stand here metaphorically (and maybe actually) naked and publicly admit that I am as clueless as clueless gets; Cher Horowitz status. 

Things I am Clueless About....

1.  Choosing a satisfying, fulfilling career: I am less of a hot mess about this topic than the others but I am still quite clueless about it. I pride myself on being self sufficient and have always had jobs that enabled  me to stack my money and chill. I suppose right now I am on the quest to find something that moves me. I want a career that I wake up every morning excited about. There are too many miserable, moaning Myrtles with jobs they can't stand in the world and I refuse to be one of those Myrtles. My cluelessness comes into play because I am fairly certain I have adult ADD and am fascinated and interested in so many different things. How can one be expected to choose??

2. Making New Friends: Moving was one of the best and one of the most terrifying experiences I've had to date. I live with three other beautiful, hilarious and bootylicious gals and have two really great guy friends who let me tag along on their various adventures throughout the city in exchange for my wing woman skills and abilities. But I'm not like Drake, I want new friends. The thing about making friends is that it's actually kind of difficult in a new place. People- particularly girls are always weary about the new bitch bopping around their city especially when that girl is suspiciously smiling and laughing like a hyena 97% of the time. I'm stumped on how to make friends at this age without coming across like an over zealous creepy crawler. If my sweet little readers have any suggestions feel free to throw em my way. 

3. The Single Life: I am lucky enough to have spent the better part of my 20's in a relationship filled with lots of love, koofie smacks and wenis massages. I know how to be in a relationship, I know how to be a fun loving, loyal girlfriend and I know to be with just one person. However, the reality of my situation is that I am currently and probably for the first time in a really long time, truly a single salamander and this all feels like complete and utter cluster fuck to me. I have not even a little bit of an idea what I'm doing out here in these single streets. 

First of all, I feel like it is safe to assume that most men these days are just trying to get it in when and where they can. They seem to be ALL about getting their dingaling wet and I'm not even that mad at em' for it, women are beautiful. But guys, at this point in my life the last thing i'm interested in is getting acquainted with a surplus of male genitalia. Thanks but let's be serious, no thanks. 

Secondly, if you do meet someone that you actually like what are you supposed to do about it? Do men want you to tell them that they fill your stomach with those embarrassing and cliche butterflies every time you see them? Or do they only want you to tell them that when it's their penis you're feeling in your stomach? If you tell a guy you like them do they lose interest because there's no longer the thrill of the chase? What if you like a guy but then he actually turns out to be a psycho path, have a weird fetish or what if he picks his nose in traffic and then eats it on the regular? 

Thirdly, the thing that I don't understand or like most about the single life is how scarce cuddling is. I mean really, can a girl just be cuddled and get her hair played with every now and then without it being a huge debacle? How am I expected to be a productive member of society without a little non sexual physical affection in my life? The struggle exists and the struggle is real. 

**I'm going to stop right there because it feels right in my spirit...and I don't want you beautiful baby bumblebees to think that I am certifiably insane. I should also admit that I was drunk when I began this blog and now I am 100% strolling down Hangover Avenue now and will be taking a nap within minutes.**

As always - Peace, love and pelvic thrusts, 

BColl$ [Captain of Team Clueless]