Thursday, August 2, 2012

Cheatin' Cheetas

It is a sad but true fact that right this very second someone is making the decision to either cheat on their significant other, deciding to accept their role as "the other woman or man" also known as the "side piece", or are being cheated on. Just take a look around this crazy world we live in; the media is borderline obsessed with the fidelity of celebrities and political figures, social network sites magnify and at times, broadcast the happenings of relationships and you can even get a glimpse of the "shadiness" that occurs just in your hometown by simply spending an evening out on the town. Infidelity appears to have made it's self quite comfortable in societies all over the world and it does not look like it's going to be making an exit anytime soon.

I personally have always been fascinated with why cheating even occurs in the first place. I remember in high school when I heard of a really beautiful girl being cheated on by her boyfriend at the time. I was honestly bewildered as to why this guy felt the need to cheat, and with a girl that was in my opinion, less attractive nonetheless! Unfortunately, as I have gotten older, I have found myself bewildered lots and lots of more times and I don't enjoy anything about that feeling--which is why I decided to write an entire blog dedicated to the topic of cheating. I knew that writing this post solely from my own perspective wouldn't be sufficient enough for you radical readers because everyone has different experiences, opinions and theories about infidelity. So, I hunted down 4 incredibly different but in my opinion, honorable and honest humans and had an extensive interview where they graciously allowed me to pry and ask personal questions about everything from their own experience with cheating to their views and interpretations of it. I think that the only way to truly try to get a handle on the complex inner workings of cheating is to gather perspectives, read/ listen them with an open mind and take away whatever speaks to you the most.  I hope you cutie patooties enjoy these interviews or at the very least, get a kick out of being encouraged (by me)  to stick that nose of yours all up into other peoples business.

As always, here at "The Twilight Zone" anything goes. Enjoy!

THE INTERVIEWS


Subject #1:

Profile: This subject is currently a single lovely lesbian lady- living and loving everything about life.

The Questions:
1. Have you ever cheated: Never physically but emotionally I have invested myself in someone while dating someone else.
2. Have you ever been cheated on: Not that I know of
3. What was your reasoning for cheating, if any: That person satisfied aspects of a relationship that my significant other did not.
4. In general, what are your feelings regarding cheating: I hate it, hated the way it made me feel to do it and I hated the way it made my significant other feel even more. At the same time, I felt almost powerless to stop it.
5. Do you think it is possible to love someone even though you are cheating on them: yes, you can love someone you are cheating on but you should definitely not be with them.
6. Do you believe it is possible to be monogamous this day in age?: I don't think that humans are monogamous creatures but that doesn't mean people can't make it work without cheating. The urges will likely be there at some point.
7. If you were cheated on by you significant other, would you stay: I always say that cheating is my bottom line but for me, as much as I wish I could leave and not turn back, it is situational. Some people might be worth fighting for even if they are cheatin' cheetahs. [her words not mine ;)] Also, it might depend on their who/what/where of cheating.
8. What constitutes cheating? Is it simply physical or emotional as well: Emotionally cheating might be worse than doing it strictly for ass. Emotional cheating should warrant reevaluation of your relationship with your significant other. It is just a hop, skip and hump away from doing the dirty.


Subject #2:

Profile: This subject is a marvelous man, who is always down for a good time and can always be counted on to make those around him chuckle...or at the very least, smile.

The Questions:
1. Okay, so, have you ever cheated on someone: nope.
2.Have you been cheated on/ have you ever been the other man: Yes. the other man. smh. [smh= shaking my head, for those of you who might not be familiar with that abbreviation]
3.Did you actively pursue her: yes and no...I was in a really bad place at the time
4.How long did it last: no more than 5 weeks.
5. Did this gal ever talk about the fact that she had a bf: I knew she was married, yes.
6. Is she still married: nope
7. Because of this affair or other reasons: no she told me at the time that she was the most single, married woman. They were already on the rocks.
8. Do you think her motives were related to her sexual desire: It's possible
9. Did you ever feel guilty about it: If I could do it again, I wouldn't.
10. How would you rate the sex: it wasn't anything over the top cause we were in a public place whenever we messed around.
11. What do you think the motives for cheating are: um I think it's mostly just unhappiness in their current situation. But also I think that people get into relationships when they aren't ready for one. They're not ready to be with one person.
12. Do you think that there are things people can do to avoid being cheated on/ cheating: To not cheat? I just feel like if you feel you need to cheat then you shouldn't be in a relationship. I understand that shit happens in the heat of the moment but at that point you gotta reevaluate your relationship. As far as being cheated on, I'm not sure. If you're doing what you can do emotionally, physically and sexually---in theory, the person you decided to be in a relationship should be satisfied. At that point, if they cheat on you, it's on them
13. Why do you think people consistently cheat but claim to love the person they are cheating on? You can't consistently cheat and love the person you're cheating on.
14. So why do you think people try to "have their cake and eat it too": It boils down to a persons values/conscience, ect. Most people would rob a bank if they could get away with it , regardless of their financial situation. So most people think "if I can have someone to come home to and who will cook for me and this that and the third, but have something on the side..."
15. Do you think monogamy is a realistic expectation: Absolutely, if you find the right person.



Subject #3

Profile: This subject is the true definition of a sassafrass. She is an educated, successful, outgoing and overall great gal.


The Questions:
1. Have you ever been cheated on/ cheated on someone: yes I have been cheated on. Never cheated ::holds back from slandering this mans name all over your blog::
2. When you found out, what went through your mind: honestly, I was at a company Christmas party with him and I found out via a text on his phone while he was in the bathroom. What went through my mind was to not assume and go nuts per usual lol but ask questions and see what he said. Although before it was confirmed I think I knew deep down it was happening.
3. How did you know deep down? Were there signs: Yes. He started going MIA for a few hours at a time at night. His mother would text me and ask me where he was because he was claiming to be with me but wasn't. I noticed he was just lying all the time and becoming distant.
4. As far your sex life went, were you guys getting it on regularly: YOU KNOW IT lol
5.Did you ever get an explanation of why he cheated: Never ever. And he pursued me and forced things to get serious. But he has a track record of never being monogamous. Cheatin' and lying. He said he knows he wasn't good enough for me and thought he was ready to commit but wasn't.
6. What kind of emotions did you go through once you learned you had been cheated on: Oh wow. Angry and wanted answers. Heart broken and down, loss of appetite. Didn't want to go anywhere with my girls. I only started to feel better once I cut off ALL ties.
7. If you tell this guy anything, what would it be: hmm. Probably that I forgave him a long time ago and that I pray he is saved by the good lawd because he far worse off than me. OH and good luck with the child he is having with the girl he cheated on me with and got preggers. lol. Okay, maybe I wouldn't say the last part.
8. Do you believe monogamy is possible this day in age: Absolutely. I'm surrounded by good men who don't cheat on their girlfriends.
9. Why do you think cheating happens in the first place: I think a lack of feeling fulfilled. And that doesn't necessarily mean that your significant other isn't meeting you needs but that there could be something within you that is missing; self worth, confidence, inability to commit for some reason. We sometimes point fingers to the other party when sometimes the cheater needs to take a look at themselves and see what is missing.
10: Beautifully said! Do you have any other thoughts or comments about cheating: I thhinkkkkk that's all my thoughts for now! *drops mic*


Subject #4:

Profile: My last (but not least) subject is a fascinating human with an ability to get a party going unlike any other person I have ever known. He is also a seemingly good hearted and genuine guy.

The Questions:
1. Okay, SO, have you ever cheated on someone/been cheated on/ been the other man: yes, yes and yes.
2. So, how many times have you cheated: Well I say once when I had a girlfriend. I don't consider "talking" to multiple people cheating lol as long as they know the truth. Actually...twice when I had a girlfriend, sorry.
3. What were your reasons for cheating: umm I was bored of one girl and the time I was still in love with the ex still
4. When you were cheating, did you think about the person you were cheating on: During foreplay but after that, no way!
5. How did you feel afterwards: I didn't feel anything afterwards when I cheated with my ex but the second gf I cheated on, I felt bad.
6. Did you tell them you cheated: the gf? no
7. Why: one found out. The other I didn't tell cause I felt bad for doing it.
8. Did you break up once she found out: yea
9. How did you find out that YOU had been cheated on: Just cause I'm very observant and I asked questions until the person decided to stop lying.
10.What behaviors were you observing: Not answering my calls when they usually do, avoiding the question, seeing the way they interacted with that person.
11. How did you feel when it was confirmed, like what kind of emotions: um honestly not mad at all about who it was or why it happened but the fact that she lied made me the most upset.
12. Did you break up after: yea, but still did stuff after.
13. When you were the "other man" did you actively pursue that girl: no
14. Did you know she had a man: yeah
15. Did you feel guilty: yes I did, but only the first time
16. How long did it go on for: hmm idk I think weeks until she broke up with him
17. Overall, why do you think people cheat: The rebellious act of getting away with something or being bored with their partner.
18. Do you think there are ways to avoid being cheated on/ cheating on someone: Umm just keep the relationship exciting and new ...and not putting yourself in an awkward situation where cheating is possible.
19. Do you believe that men are capable of turning down sex when tempted: when sober, yea, very capable.
20. Is it possible to cheat on someone and still love them: yes
21. Explain how: cause when you cheat it's out of pure action and feelings at the moment not because you hate or not love your partner.
22. Would you say that cheating only ever occurs in the spur of the moment or can it be emotional too: I think the first time it happens it's spur of the moment and a little sexual/emotional but if it keeps happening then it's more emotional and/or it's just that good.
23.Why do you think people cheat on a regular basis but still stay with their significant other: Cause they love that person or don't want to let that person get away or to be characterized as a cheater. And they like doing something that they can get away with.



All of these peeps have different experiences with cheating therefore their feelings about the topic are obviously reflective of that. What I learned from probing people I know with personal and invasive questioning is that there isn't just one reason that cheating occurs within a relationship. In some cases there might be a million reasons why the cheating happens, while other times the person cheated on might feel like a bamboozled baboon scratching the top of his or her head with their pointer finger.

My advice (in case you were wondering) is to enjoy your relationship. Be the best girlfriend, boyfriend, husband or wife that you know how to be. Have fun. Reap the benefits of  being in love, engaging in great sex and having someone to hold hands with in the movie theater and other public venues. BUT....trust yourself enough to believe when that gut feeling of yours is telling you something is up. AND if you do find out that someone has been playing your perfect self for a fool, love yourself enough to give that lame lobster the "suck it" motion and keep it movin.' In my opinion, once a Cheatin Cheeta, always a Cheatin Cheeta; and sugar pie honey bunch, there way too many other humans on this planet to be stuck subjecting yourself to heartbreak, disrespect and sharing a penis and/or vagina unwillingly with another person.



Electric Sliding on outta here,
Bcoll$

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