While I was enjoying gin and tonics and lemon drop shots in mass quantities last night, a friend and avid reader of this blog casually and brilliantly suggested a topic that I should discuss. She informed me that she has recently fallen victim to an epidemic that has effected plenty of females around the world; walk of shame complications. She told me how she has had to show up into work wearing the same exact clothes that she wore the previous day due to her clock striking get it in unexpectedly. I was proud that she was getting down and dirty but also could sense the dark shadow that the panic of the walk of shame had cast on the experience as whole. I began to think about all the ladies in the world who have had to walk with their head down, cheeks red from embarrassment and their pride diminishing at rapid rates all because they are positive that every one knows what they did last night. It's one thing for strangers, coworkers, family members and whoever else to simply speculate what your sex life might entail but it's an entirely different situation when our bed head, smeared makeup, clothes and maybe even our "I just got railed" walk / limp makes last night's actvities an undeniable public fact.
As a woman, I have asked myself (on occasion) if anything can be done to ease the humiliation we feel from the walk of shame? Is the walk of shame avoidable? Is it possible to somehow flip the whole debacle around to work in our favor? The answers that I have found do not bring much relief or hope that one day the walk of shame will no longer exist. The only possible way to avoid a walk of shame experience is to know ahead of time that you will be engaging in sexual relations which will provide you with an opportunity to plan ahead; pack a bag, bring tooth brush, work clothes, ect. However, about 95% of walk of shames occur because the whole sexual encounter was unplanned and usually a surprise! The only positivity that I can offer my fellow ladies is the reassurance that you are not alone; there are millions of women who have experienced the walk of shame and most of them have been able to recover from it. Below you will find some very true, very real walk of shame experiences from my panel of "twilight zone" supporters.
Real Life Experiences:
WOS confession #1: I was a mere college freshman and had little to no experience with what a walk of shame was or what it even meant. The night before was the first night that I had ever really gotten drunk and subsequently ended up going to the apartment of my very good looking, very shady former high school crush. I do not remember what the night entailed due to my severe intoxication, I do remember waking up to a snoring boy in bed next to me, looking at about 14 beer cans all over his bedroom floor as well as my clothes in thrown in heap in the corner (I was wearing his sweatpants and a giant tshirt.) I got up, still a bit drunk and tried to collect my belongings. I noticed my wallet was missing- as was my school ID card that I needed to use for just about everything at school. When sleeping beauty finally awoke from his slumber, he offered to drive me home but was otherwise helpless when it came to locating my wallet. He dropped me off at my dorm, and I had to sit there wearing men's clothes, makeup all down my face, my straight hair had mysteriously curled over night and I looked similar to Raggedy Anne and wait for a Resident Advisor to let me into my dorm and then into my room because I had no other way. I still remember the looks I received from my fellow school mates and how hard I stared at my feet, wondering why in the world time had all of the sudden slowed down!
WOS confession #2: "It was get it in 0'clock and when we finished I realized that I was bleeding like crazy for no reason. I had to go home with the bloody sheets to wash!"
WOS confession #3: (Halloween) My friend and I met up with this kid, he got us into the club and put us on VIP and was "talking to us about smoking later, so I was like "sure." After this baller paid his huge tab in cash, he had the valet get his beautiful black benz and took me and my friend to a hotel. First I was excessively confused as to why it was us 3 but he then pulled out $675 for the room, in again...cash. After, he pulled out a Tupperware of weed and he and my friend baked out the bathroom. Next, him and I did the deed. At 5:30 am his friend was blowing up his phone and he had to go. He told us to stay because he had already paid for the room and to get breakfast. So we stayed, mind you, I was wearing thigh high boots, leather shorts, a push up bra and a leather jacket and makeup of a hooker. My friend was dressed as your typical bunny. At about 9am we woke up in the beautiful hotel suit still hammered but realized we would have to walk through the lobby like this and then catch a cab. So we called the front desk to make sure the cab was there --we went down and stepped out of the elevator to a lobby fullllll
WOS confession #4: " I don't really have anything to contribute because I never have really done the walk of shame! Though, I did hook up with my best friends brother in law and when we woke up at the house we were sleeping at, I pretended to be asleep until he finally left because I felt so awkward, I could have died!!!"
WOS confession #5: "Dressed as sexy bunny, parents weekend on campus--no further explanation needed."
WOS confession #6: "I once hooked up with a guy during a party. He was hot and I was drunk--you know how that goes. This guy was also a freak to the fullest extent and he was also the first dude to "choke me." I bruise easily, so when we were done, I had to return to the party with finger marks/ bruises on my throat as well as crazy hair. Shit was awkward, everyone knew what had just went down and I couldn't even go anywhere because the party was at my house!"
WOS confession #7: "We were both really drunk and this guy and I tried to have sex. He was so drunk that it wasn't working out--he also passed out on the bathroom floor. When I finally woke up him, he walked me home and said the following memorable words "I would have fucked the shit out of you."
We are in this together ladies,
Bcoll$
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