"What's Yo FantasY!" (Ludacris Voice)

A few weeks ago, I became a little bit obsessed with 'fantasies.' I don't know why or how it happened but it was like my mind was just consumed with questions about why fantasies exist and how come we don't make moves to actualize these desires of ours. Are we scared, embarassed, ashamed or do we just not understand how? What would happen if fantasies simply became goals that we try to attain?

 I found myself thinking about my own fantasies and questioning myself on why I haven't even thought that they could be something to come into fruition. For instance one of my fantasies is to record a rap song. If you have ever heard my speaking voice, you understand that I am the farthest thing from a rapper but why do I let that stop me? I know lots of guys who have acess to a recording booth and can throw a beat or two my way and it's not like I'm trying to be lil Kim, I just want to experience what it's like to spit some hot fire. I believe it is what everyone else would think or say that deters me from making this magic happen and I also believe that this is what happens with fantasies in general.

Fantasies are fantasies because if we shared them with society, things would probably take an awkward turn. We have been conditioned to behave (for the most part) in a manner in which we don't dare draw outside of the lines. Most fantasies would not be accepted by the masses and that is exactly why most of us believe that they will never and can never happen in real life. It just doesn't seem right to me.

 I am challenging myself to figure out ways to honor these fantastic fantasies that live in this brain of mine which means that you should all be on the look out for my debut single in the very near future. I would invite anyone who reads this blog to do the same.We are the only people who know what our deepest, darkest wants and needs are, which means that we are the only people who can  make them happen. So, if you dream of one day winning the lotto then go play those numbers, homie, because we all know that if you don't play, you can't win.  If you have some kind of kinky, sex fantasy then go tell whoever it is you bone on the regular that you need him/ her to try something new. What do you we really have to lose?

Since I was feeling so inspired about this particular topic, I had to send out a traditional mass text to my panel of "The Twilight Zone" advisors. I asked them if they would be willing to share any kind of fantasy that they might have.

 Here are the responses:

1. "I don't really know if I have a fantasy (dating an older man) and all. I guess it would have to be to be with someone in their 20's who I had a really good chemistry with and we would just do it all day long in bed. Instead of the older guy who is done in 5 minutes and snoring lol."
2. "I would have to say to have a hot hook up in a bathroom at a club with a stranger in vegas (like you see in the movies)
3. "Sex on the beach....or on my front lawn or something." [1 hour later, same person] Besides what I already said, I will keep it general and say sex in a public place like a dressing room, resturant, bathroom, ect"
4. "Winning powerball is a common one....I'd pay off all my family's debt then buy everyone a home and start a college fund for all my neices and nephews..then do the same for my good brahs, retire, open a coaching academy, employ my friends/ fam, travel the world and maybe teach internationally. I fantasize about this far too often"
5. "I fantasize about men. Nice slender but fit men with beautiful abs...and nice lips!"
6. "I have no fantasies except to win the powerball. Other than that I'm pretty satisfied"
7. "I have this fantasy that Tyrese is my boo and I come home from work and he is in the kitchen in a shirt and tie (so sexy) cooking me dinner. When I walk in he's just finishing putting it all on a nicely set table. We start kissing (in the kitchen) picks me up, wraps my legs around him, gives it to me on the kitchen counter"
8. "Having a threesome where nobody's feelings get hurt or for a man to watch me with a girl."
9. "My secret fantasy is to be a secret agent/ infidelity private eye to take down the evil men of the world with my charm, wit and irresitable good looks."
10. "Become famous for simply being myself"
11. "Meet Jayz and become his close personal friend"
12. "Ooo....easy. I want to have sex in the office on the desk...just jump right in, you know? The thrill of getting caught."
13. "Sex with a teacher"
14. "So i'll make it short and sweet...my fantasy is having my own plane, fully stocked with circoc, bringing a beautiful woman who enjoys sex as much as a male does on a trip to hawaii for a weekend. Obviously sex 70% of the fight lol then getting out there and meeting a complete stranger, beautiful hawaiian woman and having a 3some. Also, I would need to go the same weekend Jayz is performing so I can have vip passes to meet and greet."

Happy Valentines day angel food cake faces! I <3 the crappola out of you,
Bcoll$

Dangerous Songs For the Average Gal

I admit that I am one of those people who while listening to a song, convince themselves that it is entirely about them. Egotistical, I know. I didn't realize that this was a quality I possessed until I was enjoying a "hip hop ab" work out just a few days ago. I was mid air hump when the song changed to "dont cha" by the Pussycat dolls. Immediately upon hearing the first few lines of this epic song, I felt my energy go up, my dance moves suddenly seemed to feel sharper and actually on beat. I was movin' and grovin like I had something to prove. Once the song ended though, my enthusiasm decreased and I was left feeling puzzled as to why.

It only took me a few minutes to realize that my hip hop ab performance hit an all time high during "dont cha" because that song gets me going! I was gyrating with a purpose because in that 3 minute period of time, I really believed that someone was truly sitting around, wishing that their girlfriend was hot, fun and a freak like me! This type of thinking is not typical of me and I blame it solely on the song itself. Since this epiphany occurred, I have been identifying other songs that have a similar effect on me and feel it is my duty to warn others.

Songs to Watch Out For

 Song: Don'tcha-Pussycat Dolls
 Disillusionment side effects: While listening to this song you should expect to feel superior to just about every girl who has a boyfriend. You will also be positive that the boyfriends of these ladies want to get in your pants. You may also experience feelings that you can get with any man on the planet.
Signature dance moves: "The hair grab. The feel on your own body. Lots of booty shaking and gyration.

Song: Irreplaceable- Beyonce
Disillusionment side effects: Regardless of your relationship status you will feel angry at some man in your life. You will begin to believe that he does not in fact know about you and have the urge to take back anything you have ever bought him. You will find yourself wanting to make sure you could have "another him in a second" just in case you quote this actual line from the song when engaging in an argument.
Signature dance moves: head snapping and a whole lot of lip smacking. You may also feel inclined to give someone the hand while listening to this song.
Warning: This song is more powerful than you may think. Avoid listening to it while suffering from PMS or any other emotional condition.

Song: Ride it- Ciara
Disillusionment side effects: It is 99.9% possible that you will be positive that "he loves the way you ride it" You may experience feelings of an increased libido and some have even reported experiencing a sudden urge to give a lucky man the lap dance of their life.
Signature dance moves: You will do everything to look like Ciara did in her video while dancing to this song. Trust me when I say, you will not look like her. If you insist on attempting anyways, do so in private.

Song: Hypnotize- Biggie Smalls
Disillusionment side effects: Thinking that Biggie Smalls has come back from the dead in the form of your body. You may consider putting cotton balls in your cheeks in order to sound more authenic.
Signature dance moves: Gangstas don't dance.



Of course, I will continue to listen to these songs regardless of the severe the effects they are capable of causing. I am however, thankful to hip hop abs for making me aware that these effects even exist. I will hopefully be able to control my reactions while in public but I cannot be too sure.

<>,
Bcoll$

         

L.O.V.E.

I woke up with love and relationships on my mind. Although I love to love, I am not the type of girl who sits around googling "relationship and love quotes" while fantasizing about Prince Charming galloping on his white horse right into my life. In my opinion, Prince Charming is a ridiculous, invisible comparison that has left many ladies and perhaps even a few gentleman completely and utterly disillusioned about what real love actually consists of. I am not trying to sound like a Bitter Bethy pants because I really am not. I just think that people need to think a little more about what connecting with another human being in a romantic way involves and how it develops. It's a gradual process that has a 50/50 chance to succeed or fail; it's a constant revolving door that many of us will walk through lots of times in our lifetime. Obviously, I have identified the "love stages" that I came up with out of experience, hundreds upon hundreds conversations with my gal and male pals, observation, common sense and just about every other way anyone can ever form an opinion. Enjoy!

LOVE STAGES

• Initial Mutual Attraction: Two people discovering that they are attracted to one another is usually an exciting time. We all like to feel wanted and when we realize that the hot piece of ass we've been keeping our eye on has been keeping their eye on us too, is when we feel like things are about to go down. This time is also a bit vulnerable because it could go either 1 of 2 ways; You could either make this attraction be a catalyst for the clock chiming "get it in 0' clock" or you could take it slow, get to know each other, go on dates and see how far this little attract attack can take you. It really depends on what the two of you are looking for. If it's a chance at love you're hoping for then I suggest to try to take it slow, give the physical connection a chance to blossom into more. If you aren't looking for anything serious, then take the physical connection and see if you can develop it into a sexually satisfying situation. I'd give you a high five regardless!
• The 'Talking Stage': "Talking" is an example of our generation having blatant issues with commitment and labels. During the talking stage you will find yourself texting with your "boo thang" all the time, late night phone calls, hanging out in the same place with your respective group of friends and usually occasional  and casual one on one time. Saying your talking to someone gives you an ample amount of cushion to fall on if things don't pan out the way you had hoped. It also gives you time to get to know someone in a laid back, no pressure, no strings attached kind of way. Be aware that this is the time that 2 people will do their best to impress each other. You can expect them to be on top of their game in respect to; cracking jokes, looking their absolute best every time you see them, no drama behavior, seeming super duper interesting, flirting, giving unsolicited compliments, showering you with attention, affection--ect.ect. The 'talking stage' is usually a really fun time and if it is not, then it is unlikely that the couple will move on to the next stage of love.
• Exclusive Dating: When two people decide that they like each other so much, that they don't even want to leave the possibility of their baby bear dating another person; they will become an exclusive Ernie and Emelia. Becoming exclusive is both a happy time as well as a terrifying time. This is a time of commitment. This is when the two of you will have to send out texts to the secret players you have kept on your roster just in case, letting them know that their contracts have officially not been renewed. This is when you have to pretty much alter any remotely eye brow raising behavior because now it is not only a reflection of yourself but also a reflection of your relationship. Usually, these two people are so into each other that the notion of them not staring in one anothers eyes with creepy, glowing smiles on their love struck faces is not even realistic for them.
• Honey Moon Phase: ohhh the honey moon phase. This is a time in which the couple is at their peak happiness and subsequently can be found annoying F out of any of their friends who are single or are currently in a long term relationship. During the HM phase, every kiss will make you feel like you are one step closer to heaven, you will walk around town with a bizarre pep in your step that nobody will understand and you will find yourself raving to anyone who will listen about how you are the most lucky person. Enjoy this time, treasure it, bottle it up because once ends--and it will, you and you significant other will never return back to this phase.
• Real Relationship: Once the honey moon phase ends, you will find yourself in a real full blown relationship. This is time when you start to form some kind of routine, the constant affection dies down a little bit,  and you get to know each other on a more organic level. I find that this is where most couples decide that they made a mistake in being together and the love train stops in break up city or they find that they actually really, really, really like being in this relationship and want to be in it for a while.
• L*bomb time: After dating someone for a significant amount of time, you just may find yourself dropping the big ol' doozey: I love you. Saying I love you is a huge freaking deal and once you say it, you can never take it back. So, make sure that you are not wasted, high, on pain medication or half asleep when you declare your love. If you are the person who says the L word first, then you are leaving yourself open to that person not saying it back. Talk about awkward. If this unfortunate instance happens to you then that sucks and I will give you a supportive hug anytime you need one but you should probably also make an executive decision to leave the relationship. There are just some things that are incredibly difficult to bounce back from and corny or not, you deserve someone that is going to love you back.
• Long Term $hit: Once all the magic of falling in love is behind a couple, you enter the long term phase. As a couple, you begin to get used to your life involving another person directly. You go through trials and tribulations, learn everything you wanted and somethings you never wanted to know about this love of yours and get really good at having sex with each other (if you do not get good at this task, then that is an issue that needs IMMEDIATE attention.)
• Make it or Break It Time: At some point, you will find yourselves at a fork in the non existent road we all are walking and you two precious people will have to decide if you want to walk the same direction together...or go your separate ways. Things could get BONKERS at this time, so make sure you are fully prepared for your life and your relationship to experience some turbulence. If you and your partner make it through this time safely then chances are, you are really in this for the long haul. You might even start planning a future together. Holla! If your relationship falls apart on heart break Avenue, then cry, be sad, move on and start back at stage one again.

If all else fails--I'll always love you,

Bcoll$

Thoughts From the Strip Club

It's no secret that I love a good, wholesome night out at the titty bar. So, it's no surprise that I frequented one just a few nights ago with one of my most reckless and best friends, Joe. It was a standard night at the local strip club and I was leaned back in my stool at the bar, completely relaxed and completely in full observation mode. I was observing the heavyset man on the other side of the  bar who was looking as if this was the most sexual stimulation he has had in years. I was watching the very drunk, cougar-esque ladies throw one dollar bills at the strippers all in what seemed to be an effort to turn their own, very distracted dates on. Of course, I couldn't help but notice that some of the exotic dancers move with as much rhythm as an alligator has while others seemed to perform as if they really wanted to have sex with every person in the establishment. Needless to say, I was fascinated.

Strip Club Revelations

Every stripper has a story: One of the things I'm always concerned with when I go to a strip club is if the strippers actually want to be there. I hate when I see a "dancer" who really looks like she hates every little thing about her life and her current place of employment because then I feel guilty. If I see the "dead behind the eyes" girl winding and grinding with as much enthusiasm as an elephant, my immediate reaction to try to save her....and by save her, I mean give her WAY too much money.

On the other hand, I love when the stripper looks and act as if they are having the time of their life! It makes the whole experience way more exciting, carefree and fun. I befriended a stripper the other night who was literally one of the nicest humans I have ever met! She was so sweet and almost seemed a little bit pure; which is strange considering she had dollars hanging out of her g- string. She began talking to us and we learned that she used to be an elementary school teacher, has 2 children, a separated husband and lives all the way in Pennsylvania! I was flabbergasted at this news and needed to know how in the world she found herself all the way in Danbury, wiggling and giggling on a pole!? She said that she comes to town one week a month, dances, makes her money, feels liberated from being a mother and a wife and then returns shortly after. I am sure my eyes were wide with disbelief that what I was hearing, my mind was the most blown that this was someones real life. The lives and times of strippers are anything but boring and make it a point to converse with as many as I can!

Men love the idea of sex:  When I watch men at strip clubs, I rarely get the feeling that they actually want to bone the stripper herself. I think that they are more interested in what she represents. In our society, men usually do the chasing of the women, they typically are making the first moves which can leave them vulnerable to all types of rejection. At a strip club; rejection doesn't really exist. If you fancy a particular female, then you put a dollar (or two) down, she comes over to you, shakes her boobs, ass and does a little spread eagle trick in your face and gets your penis a little hard; no questions asked. The strip club is a safe place for men to admire female sexuality; stress free. If a man has a lady at home waiting for him; I'm pretty damn sure he leaves the gentleman's club, goes to home and gives it to her good! It's a win, win for everyone.

Lap dances are HILARIOUS: My buddy Joe, had his eyes set on a stripper or two the other night (literally) and I was feeling generous so I bought him a couple lap dances which meant that I would have to experience a few as well. I  know that for men or lesbians, lap dances are super erotic and a bonerific experience. Personally, I get a kick out of them. It's a true test of my self control to not go into one of my  signature laugh attacks during an experience like this and when I maintain composure, I reward myself with a drink. Lap dances are hilarious and interesting because you pay money to allow someone you don't know invade your personal space, rub all up on you and in some cases whisper bizarre things in your ear! I almost lost it when this one little Latina stripper whispered mid dance "you have beautiful breasts."  I would never have expected that she would be using the proper anatomical term and would have honestly preferred it if she called them fun bags or even just left the complimenting out of the whole equation. I spent the rest of this minute performance clenching my jaw, trying my hardest to not let out a giggle everytime her face was face deep in my cleavage. When my dance was over I let out a sigh of relief, and looked over a few chairs to see what was happening with my buddy Joe. He looked as if he had been sweating a little bit, his eyes were a bit glassy and it seemed as if his whole world had just been rocked on a serious, serious level. His lap dance might have been the best 25.00 I have ever spent.


You are not a person while visiting a strip club; you are a dollar sign: Strippers are true hustlers and you must be buggin' if you don't think that they're going to hustle you. It's amazing to watch them work the room, going from person to person milking all the dolla-dollas they can and then leaving when they think there is nothing left to milk. These girls could care less if you are a woman or a man, good looking or hideous, fat or skinny, single or married; the only thing they truly are interested in is taking the money out of that wallet of yours. You have to give these gals serious props for their fearless entrepreneurial spirit.


I think that there is a lot that can be learned from taking a field trip to the strip club. I think that type of environment provides the unique opportunity to see what men like and need on a basic sexual level. The answer is obvious but sometimes easily forgotten: men like attention. Men like naked women, they like to feel wanted and they are always looking to be satisfied. As a woman, going to the strip club allows you to clearly see how powerful our bodies and sexuality really are. Of course, I am not suggesting that you take your clothes off and do a naked air hump sequence in front of perfect strangers for compensation. I am simply saying that it is nice to remember to honor ourselves and other women as a whole because that's something that we really don't do. Overall, if you are looking for a nice, educational, great time then I suggest you make your way to the nearest strip club asap. I promise you won't regret it.



Love forever and ever,
Bcoll$

That Dick Has Swag

A while ago, I introduced you to an extremely important word; dickswag. My closest of friends have been familiar with this word for quite some time while other acquaintances, family members and strangers have been asking curious questions. It seems as though the people want to know more and that is exactly what I am willing to give. We all know that I'm really comfortable in my own sexuality as well as everyone else's. I don't care if you are a promiscuous Polly, a bi sexual Belinda, a queer Quinton or a celibate Cindy, I genuinely am interested in what or what isn't happening in your sex life. I have met so many different people who share lots of fascinating information with me. I even have had a friend of mine once share an entire sex tape of her and her boyfriend with me over a glass of champagne and homemade cupcakes. Needless to say, I probably have at least one hundred sex stories stored in this brain of mine so it is only natural that at some point in time I would begin to make connections.
I remember when DS (dickswag) was conceived. I was shooting the shit at my kitchen table with my sassiest friend, Shameka. We were sharing our own stories and experiences with one another when all of the sudden I had an epiphany. It was as if there was a light shining down on me from the divine, infusing my dome piece with this epic and valuable information. I was so acutely aware of the connections to be made between a sexual experience with someone who was in some way, shape or form sexually disabled versus an experience full of fiery passion and endless pleasure. My eyes widened and goosebumps covered my entire body as I shouted  "DICKSWAG!!" Shameka looked at me with her signature side eye and asked me what in the hell I was talking about and truth be told, I have not stopped explaining since.

FAQ about Dickswag

What is Dickswag?

Dickswag is more or less a guideline to follow when pondering about how a gentleman performs during sexy time. These guidelines include but are not limited to
1. Physical Attributes
2. Personality Traits
3. Reputation
4. Tell Tale Signs
5.Intuition
6. General Behavior

What Kind of Physical Attributes should I keep an eye for?

The most important physical attribute to take into consideration when assessing the swag of someones regions down south is how they are carrying themselves. A man with DS will walk with his head up, he will have quality posture, he will stand tall even if he is a polly pocket and his presence will be felt when he walks into a room. A man with DS will also present himself properly, his hygiene will be on point, his feet and hands will not be tiny (I don't care what anyone says--the size of a man's extremities do matter. How can anyone take a guy seriously in bed when you have bigger hands then he does??)

Small hands vs. not small hands





Does having Dickswag just mean that they are well endowed?

NO. Having DS is way more involved than just being blessed with an above averaged sized johnson.  In all of my findings, I have found that women are typically more satisfied when their partner has a schlong between the length of 5-10 inches BUT I have also have documented findings of men who are packing the heat but lacking in skills. The goal of educating females about dickswag is to implement a system that can assure us better and more satisfying sex by choosing our partners more carefully and thoughtfully.

What kind of personality traits does a man with dickswag possess?

Someone with DS is just oozing with confidence (or swag, whichever term tickles your pickle.) They will never be the over eager or "thirsty" guy basically begging you to give him some attention. Instead, he will be laid back, respectful, he will choose his words carefully and will master the art of conversing with a woman. He will be sexy without boasting or even making mention to the sex that he is capable of providing you with. Even if he is only interested in you for sexual reasons, he will never make you feel like an object or a pawn in a game. A man with DS will respect every lady he engages in conversation, relationships, or sexual encounters with.


How does my intuition factor into all of this?

Most women have the innate ability to tap into their intuition--believe it or not intuition plays a huge role in every area of our lives. If you're interested in someone but you keep hearing that annoying voice in your head telling you that he is wack, has ulterior motives or is a sleazeball, you need to listen. On the other hand, if the vibe is right, if you feel good when you are around this person and have an overwhelming feeling that you two are capable of hitting it off via text, conversation and in the sack--then go get yours girl!!

Side note: I am an intuitive person by nature and base just about everything I do off of if "the vibe feels right." There have been times that I haven't listened and I cannot lie, those times have always ended in true and utter disaster.



Wouldn't someone with a reputation be someone to avoid?

This is a controversial question. If this blog was about "dating advice" then I would say yes, someone with a reputation is someone worth avoiding. However, this is blog about dickswag--this is about getting it in and being satisfied while doing so. We don't live in a fairy tale world where every person you are attracted to will become your prince charming. With that said, if someone has a reputation of having a wack sex game then the odds are that things will be no different if you try to give him a whirl. On the other hand, if you have heard virtually nothing or only glimmers of positivity about the guy your crushing on sex life, then you can check off one of the most important signs of DS! You see, a man with DS will keep his business to himself, he will rarely involve himself with girls in the same circle of friends, he will only keep a few ladies on his roster* at a time and there is a great chance that a man with DS prefers to find one special girl to share his gift with.


Can someone increase  their dickswag?

Yes. I believe that men have every opportunity to blow minds with their DS. It starts with them being honest with themselves about what they are working with right this second. Maybe you ejaculate really quickly, maybe you weren't blessed with that big of a penis, maybe you don't understand how to keep a rhythm or maybe you are still a virgin. Whatever your situation may be, my advice to you to is to accept it and then figure out a way to work to your advantage! Do research, watch porn, talk to your girl about it--do whatever you have to do to get your dickswag up, my man!

You see, DS is a phenomenon that can benefit both men AND women! If a woman has the tools and proper education about DS then she can properly identify a man who has it. If a man is aware that us women are looking for more than just a corny line and a cute smile then he will be forced to step his DS game up. Just in case you are need a little more schooling on the subject, I have included a few case studies for your learning benefit.


Case Studies. (all of these situations are 100% true, and these are real subjects. I will not use their names in order to maintain confidentiality.


Scenario:

 A girl sees a good looking guy while watching a basketball game. She is physically attracted to him and is immediately curious. Since there were only 4 females in the stands at this game, the good looking guy notices the cute girl drooling over him. Guy approaches girl and doesn't waste anytime asking for her number. She says no because she has a boyfriend and runs away. A few days later, good looking guy runs into a friend of the cute, not single girl. He asks for her number through a third party--when it is refused again, he steals the phone and takes it for himself.

The chase begins: This guy uses the newly stolen phone number and begins texting and calling cute girl. He bombards her with compliments, informs her that he is "hung like a horse," and wants to know everything about her life. After a few short meetings, it is apparent that this guy would like to seal the deal. The cute girl has never dealt with anyone this aggressive and is intrigued but also intimidated--she also admits that this man suffers from what she suspects is, halitosis.

The outcome: After a few weeks of being bombarded with attention and promises of an experience of a lifetime, cute girl gives in to good looking guy. Not only does this gentleman have bad breath, he also has what was described as a magic marker cap sized penis, little to no understanding of what foreplay is and was only able to last 3 minutes tops. Cute girl leaves with an icky smell lingering in her nose and an unignorable feeling of disappointment.

Bcoll$ assessment DS: There were lots of signs pointing to this person being dangerously deficient of dickswag. The first sign of concern was that he stole her number from a third party. Any man with true DS will not have to waste their time on a girl who already turned them down because it really doesn't make a difference in their life. The fact that he was boasting of the size of his dingaling and promising a sexual experience of a life time is a major red flag! A man with DS will never need to make empty promises just to get someone into his bed. Instead he will likely have to do that do get someone out of his bed! Also, this cute girl should have been the most concerned about his halitosis situation from the jump. I do not know how she could have thought that the toxic stench coming from his mouth wouldn't effect her enjoyment of her rendezvous with this man.

Dickswag Score: 2/10
I gave this man a score of 2 out of 10 because he didn't deserve a goose egg due to actually getting everything he wanted. He might be an awful lay but I guarantee that he is not concerned about that seeing as how he was able to lure a girl who was in a relationship into his bed in less than 2 weeks. When we ladies give into men like this we give them power and false confidence. Now this dude is going to continue to use his LAME, dickswagless tactics on every girl he can because he has had success doing so.

Bonus Tip***
I have learned through the subjects that I have studied that it seems these guys who are no good at sex, have an itsy bitsy penis or are minute men go through girls the fastest. Usually these are people who are really good looking, well liked by many and subsequently have an ego the size of Europe. I used to wonder why girl after girl would subject themselves to such a boring and unfulfilled  sexual encounters until during my dickswag revelation, it hit me. These guys aren't having sex with the same girls over and over;  they are seemingly smash and dashing because they have to--because it is difficult to get a girl to stay interested after they partake in the naked tango together. These men simply go through girls as fast as they can and if you pay attention to what girl is reporting back on these experiences; you will see that these ladies get younger and younger every year.

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Scenario: Girl meets good looking guy at a friend's family party. After a while, it becomes apparent that there is a mutual attraction. The guy cranks up his flirtation levels and proceeds to put what was sure to be his "best moves" on the girl. He begins to lick his lips subtly, wink and even became a bit affectionate towards girl in front of other people. The girl does find this guy attractive, so she is going along with the situation despite feeling a little overwhelmed by his tactics. Eventually, the girl invites the guy and his friends to a party later that evening.

How it unfolded: Guy shows up to party already drunk. He makes a point of going right up to the girl and kissing her not on her cheek, but her neck. The girl still feels conflicted about the situation, so she decides to drink more and hang out in another room with her friends. The guy begins to text girl while they are at the same party things like "you are so sexy" and "you look good enough to eat." The girl finds his aggressiveness strange but still thinks the guy is really good looking.

The outcome: After a while, the girl agrees to go talk to guy in a room, alone. They chit- chat for a while and then guy makes a move. She goes with it despite the fact that he was actually licking her lips. Guy and girl fornicate. The girl reported that she felt as if she was a rag doll during this sexual encounter, the guy had an unimpressive penis although he was enthusiastic and she also was left with not one, but three giant hickeys/ bruises. After the sex, the girl admits she regretted her decision.

Bcoll$ assessment of DS: At the beginning of this case study, I was rooting for the girl and guy to get it in. I felt that they had met at a reasonable location, there was an attraction and although he was a tad aggressive, he didn't seem to be disrespectful. My feelings changed once I learned that the guy showed up to the party drunk and that he kissed the girls neck instead of a more acceptable choice, the cheek. I believed the guy to come across as over eager and found his tactics to be tasteless. The actual sex between the two of them seemed awkward in it's description. I think the girl should have known this wasn't going to be overly satisfying when she went to another room to get away from the guy. Sidenote: if you are running away from someone because they make you feel weird, ya probably should not let them get to experience your goodies.

Dickswag score: 4.5/10: This particular guy could have received a way higher DS score if he had simply relaxed on the thirstiness (for alcohol and punani.) His dickswag went down tremendously when he showed up drunk and for being an aggressive Andy. He did however, get to tap that in the end, so again; you have to give it to the guy for getting his.
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Scenario: Girl and guy both like each other. They spend lots of time talking, hanging out, innocently flirting. The guy makes it clear that he is attracted to the girl but does not make any sexual advances. Girl thinks the guy is really good looking and wonders about what their sex would be like but isn't in a rush to find out.

What happened: Finally, the guy asks the girl to be his girlfriend and they share their first kiss. They date for a month before actually engaging to sexual intercourse.

The outcome: Girl and guy will both tell you that they have been having sex for 5 years and that it somehow gets better and better every time

Bcoll$ assessment: this guy and this girl went about things a little differently than people are used to but it worked. If a connection is present, than the chances for quality sex increase drastically and this scenario is a clear representation of this fact. I tip my hat to the guy for waiting month before giving the D to the girl and I am thrilled that she did not report him having a deformed penis or even a lack of DS in the slightest.

Dickswag score 9/10: I gave this lad a 9 because it is the highest score that I will give. I am not confident that any one man has perfect dickswag but if you think you are or you have found that man, please feel free to email me to share your story!!


Good hunting to you all,
Bcoll$

Walk Of Shame

While I was enjoying gin and tonics and lemon drop shots in mass quantities last night, a friend and avid reader of this blog casually and brilliantly suggested a topic that I should discuss. She informed me that she has recently fallen victim to an epidemic that has effected plenty of females around the world; walk of shame complications. She told me how she has had to show up into work wearing the same exact clothes that she wore the previous day due to her clock striking get it in unexpectedly. I was proud that she was getting down and dirty but also could sense the dark shadow that the panic of the walk of shame had cast on the experience as whole. I began to think about all the ladies in the world who have had to walk with their head down, cheeks red from embarrassment and their pride diminishing at rapid rates all because they are positive that every one knows what they did last night. It's one thing for strangers, coworkers, family members and whoever else to simply speculate what your sex life might entail but it's an entirely different situation when our bed head, smeared makeup, clothes and maybe even our "I just got railed" walk / limp makes last night's actvities an undeniable public fact.

As a woman, I have asked myself (on occasion) if  anything can be done to ease the humiliation we feel from the walk of shame? Is the walk of shame avoidable? Is it possible to somehow flip the whole debacle around to work in our favor? The answers that I have found do not bring much relief or hope that one day the walk of shame will no longer exist. The only possible way to avoid a walk of shame experience is to know ahead of time that you will be engaging in sexual relations which will provide you with an opportunity to plan ahead; pack a bag, bring tooth brush, work clothes, ect. However, about 95% of walk of shames occur because the whole sexual encounter was unplanned and usually a surprise! The only positivity that I can offer my fellow ladies is the reassurance that you are not alone; there are millions of women who have experienced the walk of shame and most of them have been able to recover from it. Below you will find some very true, very real walk of shame experiences from my panel of "twilight zone" supporters.

Real Life Experiences:

WOS confession #1: I was a mere college freshman and had little to no experience with what a walk of shame was or what it even meant. The night before was the first night that I had ever really gotten drunk and subsequently ended up going to the apartment of my very good looking, very shady former high school crush. I do not remember what the night entailed due to my severe intoxication, I do remember waking up to a snoring boy in bed next to me, looking at about 14 beer cans all over his bedroom floor as well as my clothes in thrown in heap in the corner (I was wearing his sweatpants and a giant tshirt.) I got up, still a bit drunk and tried to collect my belongings. I noticed my wallet was missing- as was my school ID card that I needed to use for just about everything at school. When sleeping beauty finally awoke from his slumber, he offered to drive me home but was otherwise helpless when it came to locating my wallet. He dropped me off at my dorm, and I had to sit there wearing men's clothes, makeup all down my face, my straight hair had mysteriously curled over night and I looked similar to Raggedy Anne and wait for a Resident Advisor to let me into my dorm and then into my room because I had no other way. I still remember the looks I received from my fellow school mates and how hard I stared at my feet, wondering why in the world time had all of the sudden slowed down!

WOS confession #2:  "It was get it in 0'clock and when we finished I realized that I was bleeding like crazy for no reason. I had to go home with the bloody sheets to wash!"

WOS confession #3: (Halloween) My friend and I met up with this kid, he got us into the club and put us on VIP and was "talking to us about smoking later, so I was like "sure." After this baller paid his huge tab in cash, he had the valet get his beautiful black benz and took me and my friend to a hotel. First I was excessively confused as to why it was us 3 but he then pulled out  $675 for the room, in again...cash. After, he pulled out a Tupperware of weed and he and my friend baked out the bathroom. Next, him and I did the deed. At 5:30 am his friend was blowing up his phone and he had to go. He told us to stay because he had already paid for the room and to get breakfast. So we stayed, mind you, I was wearing thigh high boots, leather shorts, a push up bra and a leather jacket and makeup of a hooker. My friend was dressed as your typical bunny. At about 9am we woke up in the beautiful hotel suit still hammered but realized we would have to walk through  the lobby like this and then catch a cab. So we called the front desk to make sure the cab was there --we went down and stepped out of the elevator to a lobby fullllll

WOS confession #4: " I don't really have anything to contribute because I never have really done the walk of shame! Though, I did hook up with my best friends brother in law and when we woke up at the house we were sleeping at, I pretended to be asleep until he finally left because I felt so awkward, I could have died!!!"

WOS confession #5: "Dressed as sexy bunny, parents weekend on campus--no further explanation needed."

WOS confession #6: "I once hooked up with a guy during a party. He was hot and I was drunk--you know how that goes. This guy was also a freak to the fullest extent and he was also the first dude to "choke me." I bruise easily, so when we were done, I had to return to the party with finger marks/ bruises on my throat as well as crazy hair. Shit was awkward, everyone knew what had just went down and I couldn't even go anywhere because the party was at my house!"

WOS confession #7: "We were both really drunk and this guy and I tried to have sex. He was so drunk that it wasn't working out--he also passed out on the bathroom floor. When I finally woke up him, he walked me home and said the following memorable words "I would have fucked the shit out of you."


We are in this together ladies,
Bcoll$

Answers About Semen

 I didn't receive as many emails (questionsaboutsemen@gmail.com) as I hoped but didn't let that deter my quest to find the answers to my burning questions about man juice. Some may be asking why I am so curious about this somewhat unappealing topic and my answer is simple; I'm curious because it is something that every sexually active person deals with on some level yet it something that your average gal or guy rarely speaks about. Luckily, this isn't your average, censored blog...this is the Twilight Zone and when you enter a place like this; you talk about semen (among other things.)

My first order of business in getting some answers was to try to understand what's going through a man's head when he decides to let his spermies swim out of his penis and onto his lady of choice. Some of the men I spoke with told me that they would only ever jizzaroo on a person who was into that type of thing and/ or requested that their sexual endeavor end in that way. Some other men confessed that it is a turn- on to see his spunk spread all over their girl's ass, stomach or in some cases; their face. There is also a good percentage of cum crusaders who say that ejaculating on a female inspires an intense feeling of power and makes their sexual ego soar to new heights. Most men can agree that their relationship with their semen (during a sexual experience) is that of; the fruits of their labor. Semen is essentially the visual validation of pleasure. Upon hearing/ reading these responses I began to understand  how it could be a positive experience for a man to spread his translucent seed all over the canvas he just spent 2-60 minutes painting.

Although, I could  identify with a man to a certain extent, I was anticipating the answers of my fellow females about how they felt about semen and it being unevenly squirted on their body. I decided that I needed to send out a mass text  asking the following questions;"Ladies!! I need your input for my blog about semen! How do you feel about it in general? Have you been jizzed on? How did you like it? And why?" As per usual, I was more than amazed at the variety of answers I received'

RESPONSES

1. "This just made me laugh so hard, no one have ever jizzed on me. I think it's demeaning but I understand that some people like. To each their own I guess!"
2. "It's okay I guess. Yes, I have been jizzed on. I did not like it because you feel sticky"
3. "It's very important in keeping the population going. I'm nuetral about it but would rather not be jizzed on."
4. Honestly...I don't hate it. For some reason it turns me on when I've been jizzed on. It makes me feel accomplished that I've pleasured my man.:
5. "Dislike. Sticky and smells like chlorine. Also makes me thing of teeny tadpoles. Too salty."
6. "I don't like being came on...it's not my fav thing."
7. "Love working for it, love getting it, love wearing it, love eating it and it's good for your skin! It's like a sticker on a spelling test. Just saying you did good =)."
8. "I like giving guys head if I know it's someone who will care about taking care of me--however I'm 100% against getting jizzed on. I think it's disrespectful and men use it as a way to lower women and show their dominance over them"
9. "I think it tastes gross, it always makes my stomach hurt when I swallow it but spitting it out seems stupid, so I always swallow anyway =( I've been jizzed on and guys seem to love it, so i suppose it's their reaction that makes it interesting. I personally don't mind it either way...does nothing for me.I have always wondered if eating pineapple did make it taste different
10. "With the right person at the right time, it can be the ultimate sexual experience. If the sex is good then I say, go ahead, put it on me. Literally. Just not in my eye, cause that hurt that time. Shit almost blinded me."
11. "I hate when semen is called splooge. ew. And yes..I have been jizzed on but never on the face! so degrading lol"
12. "Sperm is fine with me as long as it's not inside of me!"
13. "Semen is gross. Man: "I wanna spread my seed on your face." Response: "I want to spread my legs for someone else now. Thanks"

After comparing and contrasting the findings I received from both men and women, I have come to the conclusion that the likes and dislikes of semen are really just based on personal preference as well as the individuals "freaky deaky" levels. The beauty about sexuality is that what turns us on (or off) is different in every single human being. Some of us like rough sex, fully loaded with hair pulling and smacking while other may enjoy soft,tender and slow love making. Maybe you and your boyfriend enjoy dressing up as characters and role playing while the couple down the street likes to have sex as themselves. The differences in what gets our libidos going is an amazing and wonderful thing but I advise that it is something you discuss with the person you are getting it in with; you never want to be blind sighted when your lover pulls his wang out and you get a sperm straight to the retina or when that same girl opens a can of whoop ass on you for the surprise semenage.

To conclude, semen is necessary for reproduction, for a man to reach climax and also for a female to be 100% confident that her lover got off during the sexual romp. Some like it on and some like it off...the choice is all yours!


See ya back on Earth,
bcoll$